7 Lame Things That Turned Awesome When I Became A Parent

We all know parenthood changes a person.  But did you know that parenthood has the power to transform seemingly lame things into really awesome ones?  I mean, stuff I used to roll my eyes at, I’m totally into now.  Check it:

1. Drive Thru –  I’m a reasonably fit vegetarian and before I had a baby, I’ll admit I looked down my nose at slobs who stank up their cars with fast food from the drive thru.  Then my daughter started falling asleep in her car seat at lunchtime, and the only way to make sure she got her nap was to Keep. On. Driving.  For like three hours.  So here’s what this vegetarian discovered: Carl’s Jr. offers fried zucchini!  Jack in the Box has jalapeno poppers AND mozzarella sticks!   My car does stink, but drive thru sure doesn’t.

2. All-Inclusive Vacations – Pre-baby, I fancied myself an adventurous world traveler.  I swam with sharks, climbed volcanoes and rode elephants.

That was then…

An all-inclusive resort (or God forbid a cruise) sounded claustrophobic and dull.  But now that I’m a mom, I fantasize about a trip that comes with childcare and a buffet.  Bring it, Club Med Ixtapa, and bring it soon.

This can’t come soon enough

3. Dinner & A Movie – In my dating years, I disdained the classic dinner & a movie outing, believing it lacked creativity.  The way to woo me was with picnics at the beach, concerts under the stars or champagne in the hot tub – you know, anything they do on The Bachelor.

These days, the chance to sit across from my honey and savor a good meal, without cutting up anyone’s food but my own, while talking about…wait for it…the movie we just saw!… is the height of indulgence.   Retroactive apologies to past offerers of said dinner & a movie who didn’t get sex from me.

4. Chain Restaurants – My taste in restaurants was once an obnoxious combination of impossible-to-get-into “it” spots and “aren’t  I cool?” ethnic holes-in-the-wall.   Today it’s any place with a high chair, a kids menu, reasonable prices and some running room.   Hello, California Pizza Kitchen!

5. Granny Panties – I never really felt comfortable in thongs–I just knew that as a woman under 60, I was supposed to wear them.  However, as a stay-at-home mom, I no longer care about panty lines because I’m pretty sure the only person checking out my ass is my toddler, who loves any excuse to use the words “tushy” and “booty.”    So why floss my butt with a thong when I can relax in a comfy pair of granny panties – not just for periods anymore!

6. Calling My Parents – I love my family, but I’ve never been a phone person, and I used to procrastinate calling home for entire semesters.   Now I’m Skyping them constantly–to share the baby, to complain, to brag, to get advice.  Plus I’m finally willing to listen to all those icky stories about what it was like to potty train ME without covering my ears and singing La-La-La.

7. Staying In - As a parent, I know what Dorothy took all movie to learn: there’s no place like home.   Just last week, I brought my daughter to a friend’s house and within seconds she had run into a glass coffee table with her face.  Home is the only place that’s totally babyproofed, has an endless supply of diapers, wipes, toys and snacks, and is a non-embarrassing safe haven for my daughter to experiment with screaming, throwing, spilling and generally acting like a beautiful little mental patient, aka a toddler.  Plus if I ever get hungry, there’s always plenty of food on the floor.

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20 Comments

  1. donna t
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:09 am | Permalink

    great post – I totally hear you on #1. I get so annoyed when anyone BESIDES a mother with a sleeping child is using the drive through!! I’m like seriously?? Go park your car and walk inside, this thing should be for mom’s only. Mainly I use them to buy ice coffee that I drink and put on the radio to my music and drive for an hour or so. But I relate to mostly everything here.

    • Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

      Donna, what do you do after you drink your iced coffee and have to pee? That’s the next problem I have to solve.

  2. Jen Schreter
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:20 am | Permalink

    Yep – and my favorite non lame thing anymore – going to bed early!!! ;)

    • Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:29 pm | Permalink

      I almost included going to bed early on the list – that is a given!

  3. Gina
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 9:34 am | Permalink

    Ha! I love this! I love the last one! Aside from my house and my parents house, everywhere else is suspect and can’t be trusted!

    • Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

      And of course Babygroup…

  4. Lauren
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 10:33 am | Permalink

    LOVE this!!! Even though my kids aren’t little anymore I still feel the same way about all of these things lol.

    • Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

      LOL – I was kind of hoping I’d grow out of my new “passions” but maybe not!

  5. Sherie Heywood
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    Drive Thru & Chain restaurants. I could have written those. Boston is sorely lacking in any kind of drive throughs…that was tough. We just “re-discovered” CPK and it is like the shang-rel-la’s of all nights out (mostly because our previous favorite chain, Not Your Average Joe’s banned us when i was 9 months pregnant and our toddler barfed all over our table on Friday night date night). Last time we were in LA, before you had your own bambino, my hubby actually suggested “maybe they have high chairs at A.O.C.”.

    • Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:27 pm | Permalink

      I never knew you got banned! That’s so rock & roll. Let’s totally take all our kids to AOC next time you’re here…HA.

  6. Posted September 10, 2012 at 11:48 am | Permalink

    This is brilliant, especially #1 and #4. If you’re not already familiar, let me tell you about the glorious intersection of those two. It’s called curbside pickup. You call ahead to a chain restaurant, and when you get there, they bring the food out to your car for you. Granted, some places are very disorganized about it, but when it works, it’s magic.
    Jerry Mahoney recently posted..I Know Nothing About… Potty TrainingMy Profile

    • Posted September 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm | Permalink

      You are rocking my world with this curbside pickup concept…I gotta try that out.

  7. Kim
    Posted September 10, 2012 at 10:32 pm | Permalink

    Drive Thru Starbucks has become my best friend. I just wished it showed up more often.

    • Posted September 11, 2012 at 7:55 pm | Permalink

      I know, and there are so few that the ones with drive thru get these huge lines at busy times of day – not helping the cause.

  8. Rosemary
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 7:50 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, and what is up with Starbucks that don’t have a Drive-thru? It’s such a terrible tease, and you end up circling the parking lot, thinking, I must have just missed it, it must be here somewhere! Then you start to wonder, should I just ask some random stranger who is able to get out of their car, to get my coffee? Is that too pathetic?

    • Posted September 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

      OMG that’s funny – we should make signs to put in our car windows, like “will pay for coffee delivery” – solicit people right off the street.

  9. Posted October 5, 2012 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    Omg, I just peed while laughing at this…. absolutely HILARIOUS!!!! And YUP, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF ‘EM! love it!
    Dinnae Galloway recently posted..New BeginningsMy Profile

  10. Posted November 27, 2012 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    Amen! Especially to #1

    • Posted November 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Permalink

      Thanks Pam. I just hope I’m not still a drive thru junkie once my kid is old enough to drive herself.

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