Who Comes First–Your Husband, or Your Kids?

The other day, I found my husband engrossed in an article called “My Husband is the Perfect Dad–And it Almost Killed Our Marriage.” Nervously, he asked me to read it and tell him what I thought.

It’s a story about a mom who deeply resented her husband for prioritizing their three kids over her. Though he was a fabulously involved and helpful dad, he didn’t seem to have much energy left over to tend to their marital relationship. This drove her to the brink, and she was contemplating divorce.

Leaving her marriage struck me as a massive overreaction, but I tried to put myself in this fed-up wife’s shoes.   I flashed back to a time when my daughter and I were both home sick

Keep reading at Lifetime Moms… and let me know what you think!

(And while you’re there, check out something else I wrote called 8 Lies I Tell Myself About Having a Second Kid.)

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I Used to be Fun–Now I’m Just Pregnant

I felt super guilty writing this.  I blame hormones. 

Checking Facebook this morning, I noticed a cute photo of some friends drinking at a bar, arms around each other, mugging for the camera.  I clicked “like,” but truth be told, I didn’t really like seeing them all having fun without me. I’d been invited to join them, but at 20 weeks pregnant, I wasn’t up for a late night, especially one where I’d be sipping water while the party girls downed margaritas. So why did I feel so left out?

It’s not like I don’t want this baby. On the contrary, we tried for 2.5 years to give our daughter a sibling, and I still consider it a bonafide miracle that I’m pregnant. I’m just surprised how trapped I sometimes feel.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was all in. Excited to begin a new chapter of my life, I fully embraced the radical changes pregnancy brought. Going out and partying held zero appeal, and I rolled my eyes at knocked up friends who whined about missing sushi or vodka. These sacrifices weren’t just worth it — I wore them like a badge of big-bellied honor.

Four years later and pregnant again, something has shifted. I find myself daydreaming about jumping on a plane to Paris. Or buying leather pants. Actually, my leather pants ensemble would look great in Paris, if only I could find a pair that would fit over my bump.  Continues at Momtastic…

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Who Calls The Cops Because Of A Toddler Meltdown?

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One of the toughest parts of parenting little ones is the public meltdown. Nobody likes to contend with a screaming, flailing toddler, especially someplace highly visible, like the middle of Target. That’s when every mom faces a tough decision: Do you discipline your child, knowing prying eyes are watching, or do you appease your little monster with a candy bar until you can find some privacy?

Charlize Theron found herself in a similar situation Thursday while picnicking with her boyfriend Sean Penn and her 2-year-old son Jackson. Apparently, Jackson was acting up, so Charlize decided to put him in a time out, causing him to scream in protest. A female hiker in the area heard the racket and…well let’s see if you can guess what she did to “help.”

Was it:

A) Asked if everything was okay

B) Offered assistance

C) Whipped out a video camera and starting filming

Find out at mom.me… Read More »

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I Get Around

Some pregnant ladies nest by organizing the spice rack.  Me–I blog like a maniac.  I guess I’m trying to get it all out before my hands are too full with newborn to reach the keyboard.

So if you plan on being on a long line at the bank, or stuck amusing yourself at Starbucks, I got your reading material right here!

I debated the merits of a certain sparkly but ill-named gift, in The Problem with Push Presents

…provided 10 snarky comebacks to use the next time someone dares ask a pregnant woman “Are you sure it’s not twins?”

…offered sage advice that I never actually followed myself, in Conversations to Have with Your Partner Before Getting Pregnant

…panicked about raising sisters

and laughed at a bunch of toddlers who haven’t quite mastered hide and seek.

hide and seek

Photo: Imgur

So hope you enjoy the new stuff (mom) and I’ll be back with fresh blog posts soon! Read More »

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The Miracle of Life is Gross (And There’s Something Wrong With My Taint)

Always love to have a post up on Scary Mommy.  Just beware, saucy language ahead.

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“Honey, there’s something wrong with my taint!” I yell to my husband.

“Your what?”

“My taint. How have you lived to be 39 without…oh, never mind. It’s called the taint because it ain’t the vagina and it ain’t the butt… It’s my perineum, if you must know.

There’s something wrong with it. I can feel this bump and it stings like a motherfucker but I can’t see it so I don’t know what it is.”

“Maybe it’s a hemorrhoid?” he suggests. “Have you been straining a lot?”

“Oh, maybe. I mean, this baby has definitely gummed up the works down there. Would you recognize a hemorrhoid if you saw one?”
“I might, but I’m not sure I want to recognize one on you.”

Continue reading at your own risk at Scary Mommy…

Oh and PS, want to help families in need have a real Thanksgiving?  Check out The Scary Mommy Thanksgiving Project.  Donating feels good.

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