The 10 Types of Halloween Anxiety (For Parents)

Of course kids love Halloween — it’s the most rule-breaking holiday of the year! Candy for dinner, staying up past bedtime and wearing dress-up clothes outside adds up to an epically spook-tacular night. But for parents responsible for all the planning and preparation, pulling off their kids’ dream Halloween is no easy feat. Maybe not everyone is as neurotic as I am, but here are the sorts of issues I obsess over every October.

1. I should have made a homemade costume. This store-bought crap makes it look like I don’t care.

2. I should have never attempted a homemade Halloween costume. This sewing machine is a death trap and my hand is going to wind up stitched into my kid’s outfit like a human centipede.

3. If I buy the pumpkin too early, it’s going to implode into a disgusting gelatinous mass that I’ll be scraping off our front stoop for months. If I buy the pumpkin too late, we’ll wind up with a butternut squash.

4. Could a candy apple lead to a cavity that causes root canal that necessitates dentures? I can’t have my kid being the only one in Kindergarten who has to put her teeth in at lunchtime.

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10 Ways Your Second Pregnancy Is Harder Than Your First

Puking is never fun, but doing it for an audience is a special kind of hell. Morning sickness seized me while I was home alone with my daughter, who followed me right into the bathroom as usual. I didn’t want her to be scared, but since I couldn’t speak while hurling, I just kept patting her head while I aimed for the bowl. This takes coordination.

After trying to conceive for more than two years, I’m incredibly grateful to be pregnant with baby #2, but I’m having a rough time managing my symptoms while caring for my 3-year-old. That’s the wacky thing about pregnancy—how you can be elated and miserable simultaneously. Especially when you’re dealing with some of these second time pregnancy problems:

1. Even when you’re so queasy you can’t stand the sight or smell of food, you still have to prepare three squares for that little person at home.

2. When you have pregnancy-related insomnia, there’s the added pressure of knowing your first kid will be up with the sun and ready to rock.

3. Your belly pops way sooner, making it hard to conceal the pregnancy until you’re ready to spill the beans. I’ve had random people congratulate me before I even had a chance to tell my daughter she’s going to be a big sister.

4. You’re so tired you could fall into a coma, but your big kid still wants you to chase him through the park in the hot sun (or freezing cold) and isn’t buying your whole “I need to rest” act.

5. There’s guilt over not parenting your first kid very well – especially since these are your LAST MONTHS ALONE TOGETHER EVER before she has to share you with a baby.


Continue the list at Lifetime Moms…

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On The Lam From The Library Cops


“SECOND OVERDUE NOTICE” screams the email in my inbox. That seems kind of hostile, from the sweet little public library branch on the corner, but it’s a regular occurrence for me these days.

I was so excited when my toddler daughter grew out of gnawing on her books because it meant we could start visiting the library. Borrowing books instead of buying affords us far more variety, and I believe regular visits to the library help foster a love of reading, which is so important. What I didn’t realize was just many pitfalls were waiting for me there.

First of all, I can never locate the library books we’ve brought home. They fall into the same black hole that has claimed so many tiny Disney princess shoes, various letters from our alphabet puzzle and all of my makeup brushes. If I’ve borrowed six books, I will invariably find only four. I rack up overdue notices and late fees (stressful!) and occasionally have to pay to replace entire volumes.

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How To Get Pregnant At 43

Just follow these easy steps:

1. Have your first baby at 40.

2. Start trying for #2 and panic when it doesn’t happen right away.

3. Assume fertility treatments are your only hope.  Start with IUI and quickly gateway to the hard stuff – IVF.

4. Try IVF again.

5. And then one more time before you realize your body hates it.

6. Try acupuncture.

7. Work through anxiety by blogging and become poster-mom for secondary infertility.

8.Try to find peace with having an only child.

9. Give away all the baby stuff.

10. Have a series of minor medical maladies (throat surgery, pneumonia, herniated discs) that put you out of babymaking commission for a ridiculous amount of time while your clock threatens to run out.

11. Plan your wedding and finally lose the baby weight from three years ago.

12. Get a job documenting your trying-to-conceive efforts, no pressure or anything.

13. See an energy healer, who makes you give up ice cream.

14. Marry your baby daddy.  Take one month off from trying to conceive, paying no attention to the calendar.

15. Drink champagne for seven nights straight during your rehearsal dinner, wedding and honeymoon.  Soak in a hot tub each day.

16. Discover surprise pregnancy, apparently undisturbed by cocktails and hot tubs.

17. Stealthily write about surprise pregnancy while not actually telling anyone.

18. Turn 44.  Google celebrities who had babies at 44, and feel especially close to Gwen Stefani and Mira Sorvino.

19.  Have a hard time believing there’s really a growing baby in there, despite multiple ultrasounds and intense pregnancy symptoms.

20. Try to convince your 3yo that mommy is throwing up because she ate too much cotton candy, hoping she’ll stop asking for it at the Pier.

21. Take the new MaterniT21 blood test and get the all-clear to start telling people about the baby, even though you’re still totally paranoid.

22. Have trouble shaking the feeling that you’re going to wake up in a mental hospital having imagined the whole thing.

23. Tell yourself to never give up, never surrender, which may be from Galaxy Quest, but nonetheless became your weirdo fertility mantra.

12 week ultrasound crop

I’m pregnant.  Thank you from the bottom of my uterus for hanging with me on this crazy journey.  More to come. Read More »

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Should CPS Be Called Every Time A Kid Plays Unsupervised?

I just read yet another story about Child Protective Services being called to investigate what seems to be a perfectly innocent situation, and frankly, I’m pissed. A mother of three lets her kids play up the street while she’s inside. The youngest, age 6, is spotted alone on a park bench. Instead of asking, “Are you lost or do you need any help?” a busybody neighbor jumps the gun and calls CPS, putting the family through an unnecessary hell that was surely more traumatizing than — oh no — a child left to play by himself!

Although the mother is cleared, the CPS investigator leaves her with this instruction: “Just don’t let them play outside.”

I’m sorry, but have we all lost our minds?

I’m ranting big time over at…go check it out!

girl playing outside

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