1. That I will wake up with a head cold, my period and hives
2. That my best laid bridal beauty plans won’t come together
3. And that I’ll somehow have an 80s perm just like at my bat mitzvah
4. That the officiant will begin, “Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today”
5. And then he’ll bring up the Holy Goat
6. That my ring won’t fit because of all the Pringles
7. That during the first dance, I will knock over the three-tiered wedding cake with my bustle
8. That I will mistakenly give the DJ the “no play” list instead of the “must play” list
9. That I’ll forget everyone’s name. And also how to speak.
10. That it will snow. In Malibu.
