The 5 Stages of Building an Obscenely Large Dollhouse

Oh, man, am I in trouble.

My mom wanted to buy Viv a dollhouse and requested my input on which kind to get.  I found a Kidkraft model online that looked perfect — colorful, creative, and fun.  It even had an elevator, just like the Barbie Dream House that rocked my world circa 1978.  So my mom took my recommendation and ran with it.

One minor problem: neither of us ever bothered to check the dimensions of said dollhouse.  My mom’s theory: “Aren’t all dollhouses sort of the same size?” (Holds arms out approximate width of French baguette.)  How naive we were.

You may remember that Dave is the neat and organized one in our relationship.  I am something of a hoarder.  His mission in life is to manage and minimize clutter.  Mine is to continually sneak new possessions (toys, books, cookware) in past the goalie.  But usually I’m subtle about it.  I know better than think we can absorb AN OBSCENELY LARGE DOLLHOUSE.

So when the (suspiciously heavy) package arrived, Dave and I waited until Viv fell asleep, then set about assembling it.  Here’s how our night went down, in 5 stages.

1. DENIAL – 8:00p


Dave: This thing has a lot of parts.

Me: Oh, we’ll get it done fast.  Look, the directions only have 27 steps.

Dave: Where are we going to keep this dollhouse anyway?  It seems pretty big.

Me: How big can it be?  It came in a box.  It will fit anywhere in Viv’s room, I’m sure.

2. ANGER – 9:04p


Dave: Are you kidding me, Amy?  This thing is bigger than our apartment.

Me: Shit.

3. BARGAINING – 10:16p


Dave: This is a joke, right?  It’s huge.  We don’t have room for this.   We’re going to have to start getting rid of stuff.  We’re going to have to collapse the play tent, ditch some toys, move her chair to my parents’ house, store the ottoman…

Amy: I like the ottoman!

Dave: I like our daughter having more than two feet of floor space in her room.

Amy: Shit.

4. DEPRESSION – 11:31p


Amy: I think the roof’s on backwards.

Dave: I’m exhausted.

Amy: Let’s put off building the annex until tomorrow then.

Dave: Annex??

5. ACCEPTANCE – 12:05a


Amy: Look, it comes up to my nose.

Dave: She’s going to love this thing.

Amy: I know.




This entry was posted in Parenthood, Shopping and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. Posted December 12, 2013 at 11:28 am | Permalink

    Remember when toys came put together? I miss those days.

    Consider yourself lucky however, my husband calls me “tech support” and thinks it’s so “cute” to watch me put all the kid-crap together. At least yours helps.

    Now you know why our parents all drank so much.

    Meredith recently posted..How Insomniacs Pass Time.My Profile

    • Posted December 21, 2013 at 7:57 am | Permalink

      You’re suffering from over competency. “I don’t have my reading glasses” works really well in times like this.

  2. Posted February 1, 2014 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    Oh man, that dollhouse is seriously huge!! But I would have loved a dollhouse like that as a kid!
    Rachel G recently posted..I Don’t Believe In…My Profile

    • Posted February 3, 2014 at 7:55 pm | Permalink

      Rachel, me too! I’m hoping it will get years of love. Thanks for visiting my blog! Come back soon.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *


+ 6 = eight

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge