Lessons of Toddlerhood That May Not Hold Up Well In Adulthood

My job as a parent is to teach my toddler how the world works.  I make sure she knows that stoves are hot, snow is cold and it’s always nice to share – especially Halloween candy, with your mother.

But despite my best efforts, a lot of what my daughter is learning in toddlerhood seems to run counter to real life.  Here are some of the unrealistic expectations I think we’re setting for her:

1. Every time someone visits, they bring you a gift.

2. Whenever you do something new, people applaud.

3. Your poops are a cause for celebration.

4. Mispronouncing a word is adorable.

5. Your singing voice is perfection: encore, encore!

6. Eating with your hands, eating under the table, eating while running – all fine!  Everyone’s just happy you’re getting your nutritional needs met.

7. Clothing is optional.

8. When you get tired, a large person airlifts you and all your belongings to your destination.

9. The paparazzi follows your every move.

Hope you’re not too disappointed in 20 years, kid.


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  1. Epstein's Mother
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 7:57 am | Permalink

    Wonderful observations.

    • Posted February 11, 2013 at 9:01 pm | Permalink

      Thank you!

  2. Posted February 11, 2013 at 3:52 pm | Permalink

    How bout they get rewarded for eating and sleeping? I swear my kids get a marching band and parade just for eating dinner..
    Meredith recently posted..EXPLAINING TAMPONS TO TODDLERS and other things I’d rather not discuss.My Profile

    • Posted February 11, 2013 at 9:01 pm | Permalink

      Seriously, it’s like “congratulations, you ate your pasta with butter and slept for 12 hours!” when I would kill for that combination and nobody even needs to clap. Tampon post hilarious, P.S.