Follow Amy:

Are you following me on Twitter @Cb4M?

Got Twitter?

I’d almost rather you didn’t.

If the blog is my HBO special, then Twitter is the hole-in-the-wall comedy club where I drop by for open mic night.   I try stuff out on Twitter.  Very little of it makes my act.

So rather than trying to wrangle you over to Twitter, I’m adding my Twitter feed to the blog website  (way at the bottom) in case you ever feel like checking it out–no pressure.

And I’ll catch you up on what you’ve missed in my Twitterverse with a little best-of action.  Here are 20 things I tweeted this year that I think are kinda funny, even without a 2-drink minimum.

My Year in Tweets:

My toddler starting using the potty. As a step stool.

If she naps under 2 hours, I’m aggravated. Over 2 hours, and I’m checking every 5 minutes to make sure she’s breathing. #moms

Fruitrum: What happens when you give a hostile toddler bananas instead of strawberries, or vice versa. #parenting

The top of my to-do list reads “relaxation exercises.” It’s stressing me out that I haven’t done them yet.

Just narrated my entire grocery store visit for my toddler, which would have been great if she’d actually been with me. #moms

I think I have carpal twitter.

20-month-old refused to get into car seat, then refused to get out. I just need to learn that whatever I ask, the answer is no

Until 10 seconds ago, I didn’t know that the stuff in the green can isn’t really parmesan cheese. My whole life is a lie!

Toddler said yes to my offer of a popsicle, then burst into tears when she saw that it was not a bicycle #lostintranslation

The only time I use my home phone is to call my cell phone when I can’t find it.

Thought toddler called me a D-bag. Turns out she was talking to the Lady-bug. Good news.

Toddler’s spending the morning finding “freckles” on all her toys. Probably time to clean toys.

The people who invented splat mats did not take into account my kid’s pitching arm.

Holy crap the 17-month-old just ran my mail through the shredder. There’s a new excuse for the credit card company.

My daughter just brought me Astroglide. Time to babyproof the goody drawer.

I’m turning into a crazy cat lady except instead of cats it’s photos of my daughter. Is 40 too many to have framed in the living room?

I wish they made odometers for strollers.

How do you teach a baby the parts of the face without someone getting poked in the eye?

Is it bad that I’m enjoying separation anxiety for the hugs? I’d pay money for them.

Dancing to “All Night Long” with baby girl. Life is good, wild and sweet.

 

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