Every time my daughter and I go out to eat, we leave behind a disaster area. I haven’t had the balls to photograph the crime scene yet (too busy running out the door of the restaurant, shielding my face) so just imagine if the food fight in Animal House took place in a landfill.
What can I say, Viv’s a generous girl–she shares her food. With the floor. And not just the floor beneath her high chair. The girl’s got an arm. If the shot put was a food, Viv could totally be a decathlete.
The other day, we met a friend and her 3-year-old daughter for lunch. I chose a restaurant that provides crayons, a sure sign of family friendliness. And we went at 11:00 a.m., well before the rush. But that didn’t stop a mean old biddy at the next table from giving us the stink eye the whole time. I don’t know which was dirtier, the looks she gave me or my child’s eat-by-numbers face.
Typical night at home...you should see us at CPK
I was annoyed. Lady, if you’re reading my blog, and I’m sure you are, do you really not remember what it was like having small children? Were you not a baby once yourself? I’m sure you wanted to sip your hot water with lemon in peace, but when you choose a place that has chicken nuggets on the menu, aren’t you kind of asking for it?
Ok, so we’re a little disruptive and sure, Viv and I could eat all our meals at home, but that would be so boring and labor intensive. While dining out with a toddler will never be neat and tidy, I believe it can still be a pleasant experience. You just have to plan ahead a little. Here’s what (usually) works for me:
Food First – Memorize the kids menu and order the moment you walk in the door. It’s like you’re trying to score a dimebag off the busboy, only the dimebag is macaroni & cheese.
Bring Snacks – I know, bringing snacks to a restaurant is like bringing a teen babysitter to grandma’s house: inferior and redundant. But there’s a lot of waiting time in restaurants (that’s why they call them waiters) and your toddler should never have a mouth empty enough for screaming.
Dine Al Fresco – Given the choice, sit outside. Not only is it less offensive to leave clumps of food all over the sidewalk, but chances are the birds, squirrels and dogs will help you clean up.
PDA (Public Display of Awesomeness) – Since you can’t always control the mess or the shrieking, be sure to make a big show of being an otherwise awesome mom. Don’t be shy – teach that kid the words for all the foods he’s eating (preferably in English, Spanish and Mandarin) and if there’s time, work on state capitals. Hostile diners will have no choice but to give you their begrudging respect.
Date Down – Whenever possible, dine with another child who is younger and more difficult to make your child look good. Trust me, my friend’s 3-year-old was the Queen of England compared to my babe.
I'm gonna eat with my hands till I'm 30!
Tip Well – Nothing says “I’m sorry we were so gross and we really appreciate you not throwing us out” like a nice fat tip–think 10% above the norm. If we all do it, we can retrain the wait staff of America to be super excited to see us coming with our loud, messy kids.
So there you have it – my Rules O’ The Restaurant. Please tell me yours!
We never go anywhere anymore. Sigh….
Kyla, we never go anywhere GOOD anymore.
I think I just learned why we always get a meal invite 🙂 All so true! These tips should be given out at the 6 month pedi visit.
If only we could bring your dogs Cathy.
Ha! Cathy, love that idea! One other thing I do is try to play up the cute factor. If someone is giving us a dirty look, I have Mason wave and smile at them. He loves waving at strangers and it works ‘almost’ every time! 🙂
That’s a great one Gina!
Great ideas – we follow them ourselves, especially the tipping. We also tend to clean up when we leave. Drew even makes sure we bring an empty plastic bag with us that we can fill with our garbage. I think it’s above and beyond, but it goes a long way toward making us feel welcome to come back.
I think going early (which is easy because the kids eat early anyway) and choosing a place that gives crayons and/or has a kids’ menu goes a long way toward assuaging any guilt I might feel about my kids’ behavior. We don’t dine at the Four Seasons, and if you don’t want to be around kids, don’t come to IHOP. That’s how I see it. Great post!
Sheesh Jerry, you and Drew are making the rest of us look bad! I just can’t do the plastic bag, but if I could fit a dustbuster in my purse, I would.
I used to be offended when we once again got sat in the “kids section”–next time you’re at a restaurant look around, if 3 out of the 4 closest tables have kids, you’re in it– but now, the way I see it, it makes sense to keep the families kinda isolated, makes it less likely that we’ll encounter the situation you did, the stink eye. If we’re in the “kids section” and my son decides to show his appreciation to the chef by painting his high chair with his food, the other parents around us just kinda nod and go along with their dinner.
Katie, safety in numbers for sure! I just wish they put a big old drop cloth underneath the entire section so I wouldn’t feel so bad about the mess.
That’s a genius idea! or just embrace the mess like some of the steakhouses where they encourage you to throw peanut shells on the ground. 😉
Corn on the cob with a fork? That’s ambitious!